Everyone gets rejected at times. The only people who never experience rejection are those who never interact with other human beings.
One of the reasons why rejection can cause us so much difficulty is that in our minds we often tie rejection to so many other ugly words that cause us even more pain. Humiliated. Inadequate. Useless. Loser. Not good enough. Pathetic. Lonely.
It’s a fact of life that whenever we approach other people socially, we face the risk that people will sometimes reject us. You might get turned down for coffee, for a dance, for a party, a relationship, or even for marriage.
The fear of such rejection has made it difficult for people to achieve their goals and take on new opportunities. In this article we’ll be discussing some ways to help you overcome the fear of rejection.
CHANGE YOU MINDSET
Rejection is never fun to experience, and some people have a very hard time getting over it, but it is important to bear in mind that it is not the end. When you get rejected socially, do you tell yourself that you are doomed to be rejected forever? Do you see every rejection from another person as proof that you are somehow not good enough? Do you see it as a sign that no one will ever really like you?
If getting socially rejected triggers these sorts of negative beliefs in you, you’re not alone. Many people do react this way, and it often keeps them from having the social life they really want.
But is this the only way to look at rejection? When you change your view rejection the more open you’ll be to opportunities around you. View each rejection not as a wall but as a road bump that only slows you down.
BUILD YOUR SELF CONFIDENCE
Even those people who have healthy self- esteem, who are outgoing and who make lots of social overtures to others, get rejected on occasion. The difference is that socially confident people don’t feel deeply bothered by rejection. They don’t blame themselves. They don’t view rejection as proof that they are somehow flawed. For most socially confident people, being rejected is a relatively trivial experience that is soon forgotten. For those people who are shy and sensitive, rejection can be a long lasting, emotionally traumatic experience.
There is good news though. Even if you are very emotionally sensitive or shy, even if you didn’t get much emotional support as you were growing up, you can still learn to change the way you talk to yourself about the experience of rejection.
A person with healthy self-esteem realizes that taking occasional social and emotional risks is a necessary part of developing relationships. If someone turns them down, they don’t take it personally. They just move on and look for someone else who will be more receptive. It doesn’t occur to a socially confident person to think that the reason they were rejected is because they are deeply flawed or inadequate.
“View each rejection not as a wall but as a road bump that only slows you down.” _Steve Roberts.
The more you expose yourself to opportunities and tasks, getting rejected won’t be a new thing to you, as such it won’t be something to be afraid of. When you’ve been rejected more than expected, you tend to feel less and less affected by the feeling of rejection. You can only build yourself to be that strong when put yourself out there and face those situations that might lead to rejection. No one likes getting use to rejection but it reduces the effect it’s fear has on you.
Here are some other tips you can take to overcome your fear of rejection:
– Remind yourself why you want to overcome your fear of rejection. Remind yourself that your goal is to have a happy social life.
– Change what you say to yourself about rejection. Don’t tie your self worth to whether or not you get accepted or rejected by other people.
– Make many, many social approaches to other people.
– Take a series of baby steps when developing new relationships.
– Remind yourself that the end result will be worth the effort.
If your problem is very severe and longstanding, you may need a lot of practice to change the way you think about rejection. You may find that the help of a good therapist will point out new, more supportive ways of thinking.
When you hold back from interacting with others because you fear they might reject you, not only do you give up some occasional pain and discomfort, but we also miss out on all the potential warmth, comfort, fun and excitement that other human beings can offer you.
If you never put yourself in a situation where someone can say ‘no’ to you, you will also never be in a situation where someone can say ‘yes’ to you.